it used to be 2 a.m or the latest 3 a.m in the nite. now it increased to 5 a.m or to the extend of not going home, loitering out when all humans are supposed to be soundly aslp. not allowed to care, to bother. so long as you're safe, i guess that's all tt matters.

what's there to do outside? i wonder. affected by it all, ive to admit but i guess ill just learn to see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

you noe its gonna be cold in the nite; still allow urself to stay there and let the wind blow over your head. what's the fun in it all? or is it a must? i dunno. let's just do the stop-questioning- and-dun-bother-thingy. but it wont work out.

its just based on what's on the surface and nothing else. but i guess it doesn matter, no need for explanations or to make clear, staying put, walking behind silently will do. ill follow the instructions since its what you want on the request that it satifies you.

ill be alrite; ill get used to it. u wouldn noe all the happenings so far, but i guess there or nt, it doesn matter for rain or shine, ill still haf to walk thru them all. the safest place is the least security place now. ill never noe what'll happen next.

trust; hope; pray.
do take care.

given a chance; will you choose to be the one on the stage or the one behind the stage?

cant rem what's been happening the past few days; i just noe that its packed with activities and projects. its kinda more relaxing for now but there's test coming up the next two weeks.

presentation's over with a lot of awkwardness faced. thanks to mr mud and his super big mouth but its all over, so lets not talk bout it.

had accounting test today; was feeling real weird when doing my paper. somehow just feel that there's something missing inside my answer and it turned out to be so true but what's over is over. it'll nt be as well done as the previous one- the amt of effort put in has a huge discrepancy.

physically drained lately; and the kids are driving me crazy at times. but the amazing thing is a simple smile of theirs makes everything so worthwhile. they're such dears.

sometimes we just wished well have more time. and its really hard to satisfy everyone. there's much to do but everything clashes.

enough of those emotional stuff;something to be excited bout- mummy's taking us out shopping next week. =)

tell me tt person yest was you;

if that's ur choice, ill respect it.
but from within; i wanna say again.
ill be there still.

all these while, uve been my reliance.
i wouldn noe what to do if sumthing happen again
but perhaps its time i learn to be independent.
im thankful for ur presence;
ure remembered still and always.

perhaps its my fault again.
its always.
wrong actions; wrong words.
im sorry ive been a hinderance, disturbance
a pain in the neck.

mayb one day
when time permits
with an abundance of it
will we be able to understand each other fully
with a talk thru.

u choose to live for gd; just strangers for life- bby.

im not transparent.. im not.. really, i aint.

yesterday nite was yet another nite of feeling ambivalent, perhaps due to the events that happen one after another.

to start off with, i dun understand, really i dun. why are their alwyas barriers between human and human. and the best thing; u haven got a single idea to all that's happening and why its all happening this way. im used to it and ill continue getting used to it. not bothering? ignorance is a bliss.

we're not kids who are born a day or two i guess. memories stay, we live with those memories for life because they can never be forgotten at all cost but why drain every relationship that we have with each different individual? i guess, that's the most saddening thing bout it all.

next. moodswings, everyone haf them. just that i really dunno what to do when time comes like that. seems like every step seem to be wrong for every word seems to bring back returns of pain. constant probing will result in you being a pain in the eye when its just mere concern; what's next? such complications.

i love sch but i dread this kinda sch life. i seriously abhor it. its like a skeleton walking on the streets, though there's people around, everywhere in real life. i dunno how to describe the kinda feeling. its like, the people around you seem to care bout nothing else but just going sch for the sake of it, results, studying, it doesn matter at all.

is there nothing tt motivates someone to study? i mean when exam times come, some can just slack and take it as nothing. they wont bother, wont gif a damn, seemingly giving it up, lky giving themselves up, their future up.

it wasn like that in the start, love the initial start, mayb its the people around that makes a difference. when u first started, can have project meetings rite till nite when the sch closes, we're still out having meetings, the only reason being; we've a goal to achieve. now, its aimless. though there are ppl who care, somewhat but u cant seem to find a connection with them. we're all different people who come from different parts of the world and sometimes we cant click at all.

the people around are nice, no doubt, the attitude around is the one that kills. many are gonna say who cares bout the others around you, just do as u deem, what u feel lky. but sometimes doing everything alone makes it meaningless. there are things u wished the others would follow suit and feel the way you do. there's then the sense of satisfaction, for the people around you are feeling gd too.

at times, our mood changes as the mood of others changes, that's cos they haf already form a very impt part of our lives. unknowingly, we care, share, cherish, wish they wont give themseleves up but somehow, they're too far out that nothing we do, say can touched them for they live in their world of their own.

sergeant: you wont be here reading this but im sorry but the not picking up of calls the past few days and living you to settle with the kids. its such an impromtu thingy and im real sorry and i shd be prepared that ure gonna scream at me again for ive an accounting test coming up this sat- which means yet uve to do another postponing. sorry.

i wan the past
where days were beautiful
where tml are all worth waiting for.
packed with activities
so colourful.

39.0 - 39.5- 38.7

now it dropped to 38.7 . yesterday was the worst day of all, no matter what they do, the temperature wont fall at all but im still thankful to them all, for taking turns to look after me and do all they can to make the temperature fall. some sacrifce their bedtime, others, just stood by in case i need anything.

collasped into a deep deep slp yest. now im sweating lky mad but the temperature doesn fall much and im nt permitted to turn on the fan. what a great time to fall sick? on mc tml and presentation's on tues. haha. its lky er, zi tuo luo wang. haha. slping and more slping. wad else can i do?

dad's slping; e cow's cute.

without daddy;

he claims tt he did make a wish;

5 yrs apart, 7 yrs apart

sis; bro;mum

tt nonsensical guy;

him;

i can take the sun's rays no more
can i be blinded by darkness
so tt things would be much simplified?

i lost my direction; lost tt familiar touch
and the worst of it alll; i lost myself.
the familiar strength; the familiar gal;
they're all gone in a split second.

i cant keep up with the spinning of the earth
im far behind
can i change my way of movement?
let me fly
so that i can be faster than anyone else
and be more prepared on this journey?

drained; whacked;shagged;lethargic;tired
words of the same meaning
but they are all excuses
for me to run away from reality.

hit me hard; ill be back on track.

wo hao xiang xiang fei
tao li zhe ge feng kuang shi jie
you na me duo tong
na me duo lei
na me duo wo ming de lei shui.

stop having regrets and start rite.
when i can stop this skipping thing.
if mummy knows;she'll be more than disappointed.

its a saturday but i cant find the desire to wanan go out and have fun, so lazy around at home- blog hopping. i realised something from it all. some people blog about their daily events, from head to to e while others blog bout feelings from within. im wondering, which of them would be able to rember the events tt took place when reminscing those memories.

e sch hols have ended and my kids haf all resumed their tution. seems lky nothing change, except the fact tt theire a yr older and much more rebellious. PSLE an impt exam tt everyone desires to score well but tt mr ah beng still slacks around lky its nothing. it will just come in a swift but i wonder if he feels the pressure; i doubt so. but nonetheless, so long as he gifs his best, im proud of him.

those kids never fail to make me smile. every of their silly action and lame comment brings the almost dead atmosphere to life once more. kinda missed my plmgs gal; she's doing her psle as well this yr but there and then was copign with too many things tt i forgo her with no rhyme or reason; that's just an excuse i gif. the fact is i shrink responsibility; facts cant be denied- it can only be accepted.

why is it always so that im always called upon when my work's undone and not called upon when i did my work? it happens all time round but lets forget bout it since im being used to be known as nt paying attention, nt contributing in class kinda. haha. slacking and more slacking but at least i tried doing my work and stuff but tt's nt trying my best. there's a difference altogether.

people around me are drifting away. perhaps it will alwyas come to a point where everything around u will slowly drift away. the then closed frens will drift to become hi-bye acquitances, the closeness will slowly distant away. the reason being, we all went ahead with different paths in our lives; no one is staying put for whoever and in each of our lives, we meet new people and the old slowly slowly fade away. its a pity but again, so long as once in ur life, they left some footprints, i guessed tt's all tt matters.

for those footprints can never be erased; never.